900118 - 2022-12-18

2022-12-18

Publicerat 2022-12-18 21:48:41 i

For the first time in a very long time, I have nothing to say. None of it makes sense, whether in my mind or on the tip of my tongue. These words are mute. They’re a void. They don’t make a sound and they have no meaning to them. Like everything else, they lost the point.

What am I trying to accomplish I wonder. What is this treatment in voluntary seclusion supposedly going to achieve? Why do I do it, I ask myself. Is it selfpitty? Do I expect people to come running? Do I want to be rescued? From what, then? Solitude?

But see, no one is coming.

I gave everything to my family. Sweat, tears and blood. And time. So much time. Wasted. And for what in return? Nothing. I couldn’t make them love me - my own flesh and blood. How am I ever gonna make anyone love me? Maybe I was right, back then. I’m just an unlovable person, destined to be on my own. It’d be best not to breed. To ensure these genetics don’t get past down. Don’t misunderstand me, I have strong genes. The finest. But what is the point if I could never feel love?

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