[Your Guardian Angel - Red Jumpsuit Apparatus ] "You're always saving me"

It's all gone. Can't believe I just did it. Everything I held on to for so long, it's gone now. First love is the deepest they say, mine is deep down in the ocean.

Last night, was the most strugglesome night I have ever experienced. Every time I woke up in the dark, I saw him and my heart ached. I had to focus real hard to not think about it and fall asleep again. I know it won't be easy from now on... There will be endless nights to fight through. But for the first time, I feel as if I'll be just fine.

I've been waiting for someone to save me, even when I deep inside knew I was my own rescuer. What makes a difference today is that today, I have this one person here by my side. She knows it will take time and she is willing to wait with me until I heal. She allows me to be weak, to cry till the last teardrop runs dry.

And also, someone woke me up. Someone forced my face to the reality. Even though my lying part refused to believe what I saw, the wall was smashed. I don't know if you are aware about this, but in an odd way... you always seem to save me and help me up. God bless you for that, really... thank you.

As I ripped every page off, there was a part of me saying "Maybe I could save this and that..."  But it wasn't time to be softhearted. I tried to make my first love special, wanted it to memorable. Why did you have to pull it down so low?

Somewhere on the road, I thought I was paying for my sins. Because I destroyed their love to begin with, I broke her heart. Call it insane, but I thought I deserved it. This time... I strongly believe, whatever sin I might have committed, it must have been paid off by now. 

30:th November 2008, the real break away. I never believed this day would come, I always thought... Well it doesn't matter now. First step into a new future, I'm terrified. But I think... I'll be just fine, cause at least you won't break my heart again.

Read my lips, I don't want to see you ever again.