Christmas times. Yet another day. I have once felt guilt. I have once felt shame. I have felt immense anger and grief. But today, I don't feel anything in particular. But I see what other people feel. Some unwraps presents with joy and happiness while surrounded by family. Some display pity for those whom are so called less fortunate and wants to help. Some asks for donations so that they may buy gifts for their children and celebrate the holiday with "something special". Me? I don't see what all the fuzz is about.

 

Christmas is one of those privileges of modern time, yet we act as if it is a necessity. A right. How foolish is that? There has to be a grand celebration. There has to be festive meals. There has to be plenty of gifts. And it has to be celebrated with lots and lots of people. Otherwise, it is just plain sad.

 

A friend of mine even posted the hotline for suicide for those who will spend Christmas alone. I find that very laughable. Doesn't anyone see what an abundance we live in? We have so much and still we ask for more. What about those who really have nothing?

 

One time, long ago, I visited my mother's hometown in China. I was very young. I remember seeing a naked, scrawny man. His hair was long and tangled. His body darkened by the sun and by dirt. He was lying on the street, crawling forward as he pushed an empty ceramic bowl in front of him with his head. He had no limbs. He was shrieking the entire way. If you were to pity anyone, pity the man with no limbs, no home and no possessions. If you were to help someone, help him. Don't give me the sad look because I bought one of my two Christmas gifts this year. Or that I spent the holiday with just one parent. My family is intact although I don't speak to all of them, and I bought an expensive goddamn sewing machine because I have the funds to treat myself. 

 

I often think of the man with no limbs, and how he, despite his situation, keeps pushing the bowl forward. There is no excuse for self-pity with that haunting image stuck in your head.