Do you sometimes feel like no one actually knows you? I do. A lot. It's very lonely.

 

I'm caught in a mental dip right now, and I can't seem to get out. Our conversations are fading. The image of you languishes. The memories are less vivid by the passing hour. It terrified me so, I had to pick up my dating life just to distract myself. But then that saddened me. I've never been good at endings and closures. It distresses me that things have to end. Not only due to the expiration of things but because it's inevitable. We have no power to stop it. It comes just as surely as the day turning to night. 

 

Yet in my own feeble attempt, I try to change that. These nights, despite being worn out from work, I won't let myself fall asleep. I just lay awake doing nothing. I know somewhere I think I can prolong the existance of the past if only I won't let the night have me. If I don't fall asleep then morning cannot come. It's absurd. The sun doesn't wait for anyone. 

 

People at work keep mentionig your name. It gets me everytime. It cuts me like a knife. I should have never let those emotions surface. I should have kept them locked down. I should have been more cautious, wiser.