I went on a date today and I had prepared questions in case it'd get akwardly silent. One of which was What's your biggest fear? Usually, I have an answer ready for each question because they always ask me back, but this time I got a bit stunned by my own question.

 

Initially I thought my biggest fear was being forgotten. But the words wouldn't leave my mouth. It just wasn't quite right. No, my biggest fear is negligence. I don't like standing still. I don't like doing nothing. Life is incredibly short and each moment is disposable. You only get one chance and you must make it count.

 

The other day, there was an eight minute's wait for the next train and I felt the need to fill those eight minutes with productivity. I went to a nearby shop and bought a dress. This behaviour is getting rather extreme and I'm not sure if I should be worried. Even when I'm sick, I feel I ought to do something instead of resting. Even when I'm sad - especially when I'm sad. Because sadness is counter productive. It's injurious and harmful. It brings no results or value. It's meaningless. It's a fucking waste of time.

 

But now I'm both sick, sad and sleep deprived. And all I can do is sipping lemon tea and wasting breaths. Absolutely dreadful.