I don't wanna go. I don't wanna leave. I don't wanna stay. I don't want company. I don't want to be alone. I don't want to sleep and I don't want to be awake. This must be hell.

 

I was very lonely as a child. I constantly felt I had no one. Despite being a late bloomer who grew a self image long after birth, I had developed a highly sentimental and pensive mind before my peers. No one had the time to listen, let alone to even begin to comprehend. More than often, I was surrounded by friends none of which even knew me. 

 

In my solitude I found God. No one in my periphery believed in such entity, yet I found immense comfort by the thought of a higher power. I suppose, higher power would be wrong of a term. My God never exerted any power or means of control. My God was merely a listener.

 

In my entire life, I have only one uncorrected sin. And it was this one sin that made me godless. All it took was one sidestep and I became an unforgivable castaway. It wasn't like me, but I thought I was in love. And love made me do bad things. Everybody says the fault was never mine; that I had no obligation. But I always knew I was doing wrong, and I continued doing so anyways. And till this day, my heart could find not an ounce of regret or remorse.

 

I know I'm being unreasonably hard with myself. I'm not a bad person. I'm a good person with one mistake. I know if there'd be a God, it'd be a forgiving one. I know if I'd just open up my heart I'd feel God again. But I think misdeeds should entail consequences and we ought to be punished and suffer for the pain we have once caused. Don't you think?

 

However, I miss having God in my life. I miss having at least one outlet during harsh times. I miss that unfaltering companionship. A godless planet is a lonely world.